Why I Can't Stand Women Co-workers...

Aug 27, 2010 15:35:20

Horribly mean, but it was "Arts & Crafts Week at Panty Camp" and this is what happens to me.  Have thrown rocks at squirrels, prayed people dead, screamed at strangers and even been in fights during this oh-so-glorious week of womanhood - NONE of which I'd think of doing normally as quite possibly the sweetest, most thoughtful, caring girl you'll ever meet...
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Fuck me purple and sideways, never been more furious in my goddamn life!!!  Wanna know why I have WAY more guy friends than girlfriends?  Because women are catty, gossipy, jealous, back-stabbing bitches who are way too emotional for me to deal with...  Usually not a concern at work - software company where it's 90% guys - dorks, but at least guys.  Only 6 women here including me, but more shit happens because of them than the entire company combined.  Misery really does love company, and today I was stupidly company...

Usually go to lunch with the guys or alone, but the girls invited me to Fuddrucker's, so I went.  Had a 1/2 lb. burger, fries with melted cheese, vanilla shake and a brownie - happens when I'm clogging Molly - early surprise of the week - yay fuckin' me...  Pigged out, but mind you, I ran a half-marathon couple of weekends ago, hit gym every other day, and am in better shape than in college.  The girls (all aged from 35 to 55) were teasing me for being able to eat a ton and and stay slim, and the conversation turned to diets and exercise and all.

This one particular aisle-blocker I don't like because she's a fucking head-case drama-queen told the group she is "struggling with bulimia" and has been for years.  Held my tongue but wanted to jump on the table, kick her heaping plate in her round face, and point my finger at her screaming "Bulimia?  You're fucking up bulimia?  How?  Eat, vomit, repeat.  You're damn near defensive-line big, and you 'struggle' with bulimia?  You have got to be biggest double loser in the world if you can't even do bulimia right!  If you could, you'd at least be skinny"...

But I didn't because I'm a nice person and didn't want to hurt her feelings.  But I did think it was oddly funny / weird and mentioned it to one of the girls after lunch where we both had a pretty good laugh.  Less than an hour later I'm staring at said horizontally-tall, fucking failure bulimic in my office - door closed crying because it got back to her what I said...

Oh my freakin' God...  Didn't know what to say and had no treats to throw in the hall she maybe would chase after, so I tried to explain just how I thought it was funny to be a overweight bulimic - like a slutty nun, talented boy band or funny Louie Anderson - just didn't seem to go together...  Blah blah blah, teased childhood, non-athletic, no prom, never popular, cried, cheated on, cats, unhappy, cooking, you'll never understand, eat to mask misery, makes herself sick, blah blah blah.  Holy shit, I'd rather be in Church or listen Fran Drescher read the goddamn Federal budget than be there right then - and it went on and on and on and fucking on.  

So I apologized and finally did the right thing - lied to her.  Told her how pretty and fun she was - how people really like and respect her, and she just underestimates herself - that's the real problem!!!  She wanted to believe it so much, she swallowed it (shocker) hook, line and sinker.  She left after a long fake hug and promise to "hang out more - get to know each other better".

And what do I get for my incredibly nice effort?  She's come by my office a million times, forwarded me e-mail jokes toddlers would say were stupid, and wants to know what I'm doing this weekend - "maybe we could go do something"...

This is EXACTLY why I don't like women co-workers!  Now I'm beyond furious at the woman I like who told the house cow what I said, AND I have this zaftig zero I hate all over me, making my day unbearable.  This simply does not happen with guy co-workers at lunch where maybe I put up with shitty table manners and funny Seven of  Nine vs. Troi "in the sack" debate.  I'll take my nerds any day over bitchy two-faced women co-workers...

Karyn